Well i made it through today which was going to be one big test. I seem to have made it through--first thing i did was get some of the 4mg gum---i had tried the 2mg gum to see if it would be sufficient over the weekend---and it wasn't. Shouldn't be much of a surprise. By any normal standard i'm a 4mg gum chewer...last time i quit it was with the patch and the 4mg gum (later down to the 2mg...this was with my doctors permission I guess while i'm at it i should say all of this is from me...not medical or psycholigically "sound" per say---check with your doctor...for whats right with you.)
They even have a little test in the packages...over 7 you are supposed to use the 4mg gum...i scored 11. Still i'm doing all right on a lot less nicotine than before when i've quit---a lot less so its a good step forward. I pushed it this weekend to see if i could just drop down even more...and i couldn't. That's life. The plan for getting of the gum is generally similiar anyway---its just that i can get enough nicotine into my system now. Not as much as i was smoking but its not as bad (the weekend was not exactly nice...).
But wouldn't you know it the 2mg gum was on sale and not the 4mg. I picked it up at the mall i was at today to get it. After this i can get more patient and shop around for who is having a sale and when (apparently the 4mg does go on sale now and then...its already more than the 2mg but not double the cost).
Today was the go and do things day. So will be the next few days, as in every month (working from the budget i've already worked out). Part of my plan towards quitting includes having things around that i found helped last time. My incense burner was missing so i picked up a new one at a dollar store as well as some extra incense and some extra poupouri oils (you put them on the little burners...they've been around a few years...). My burner broke last year so i picked up a new one (well two...they were selling them 1 for $4 two for $5 at the local cool shop----last years models and the dollar store didnt' have any). I think when it gets down to usage i liked my old one better...it brought the oil and ceramic closer. I may need to look into getting better quality tea candles...this one doesn't heat up much with the one's i have in the house...but then they are the super cheapies. OTOH it looks pretty cool whereares the one i had in the past was ok...but not great. If it wasn't broken i likely wouldn't have replaced it though. I have a nice incense burner somewhere in the house (it got moved around...hopefully i'll find it tomorrow when Elvis is over) but the replacemet was $2. And i wanted to be able to burn it.
Why all that stuff. Well i find i like to have something in the air. I suppose one could argue that incense may have some cacigongenic factor...but nowhere near smoking. The oils can create a larger variety of scents more realisticly---but are more expensive and don't give the air that "smoky" feeling. I find i moved back and forth last time as my smell improved and what i wanted.
I am already noticing the difference in walking from the quitting. I was down to the local mall and back today---its common for me to go one way but not both in the winter. It helped that it was quite nice today...almost 18 F (-8 C). Forecast says it will likely get near freezing soon.
The other thing i went looking for (and which was harder to find) was a nice old fashioned piggy bank---you know the ceramic type. I <i>did</i> want it to have a opening on the bottom but that appears to be standard these days. Piggy banks have become hard to find (which is wierd---you'd think they'd still be a standard thing). I only found a few and a lot of them were these ugly plastic montrosities and they were selling at over $20...close to $30, and i'd seen one of pooh in ceramic for $25. In the end it occured to me to try the "neat kids shop" we have in the city. Sure enough they had piggy banks but lamented how uncommon they had become and their low selection----which was all the other ceramic one's i'd seen, plus some of the new ugly plastic ones (i had a plastic type one when i was a kid...but not the type that seems to be in which i didn't like....).So i had some choice---and most of their ceramic one's were cheaper or the same as the pooh one. In the end i found a really nice one of a bird (with green and purple dots) that reminds me of a robbin. And it was about $15 once you added the tax. I know...blue isn't a robbin...but it reminds me kinda of a small baby bird. Anyway i think its cute and it was reasonable---the two most important points.
And what is the point of a piggy bank. Well i wanted something to put money into each day from some of the money i was saving from not smoking. Now i know i could have put it in a coffee can (as some places suggested) but i wanted something that looked nice. I have so little space in here....i wanted something i could look at all the time---but if its going to be that it ought to look pretty or attractive to me---when you are living in less than 150 square feet you learn you want both and its often worth some investment in it (although i wastrying to avoid a $25 investment). Its symbolic...at some point i'm going to have to get a roll of quarters from the bank and feed it from it (obviously already there then). But then with bank cards these days it all always there. And some of the money i'm saving is going into quit items (gum, incense whatever may help---although the start up costs this month will be higher than later). Its to have something where i'm putting some of what i'm saving every day. I think this quit will be the last time i have to quit...if not well i've got a nice little bank for the next time around....and the other stuff i just increased. Its often here in some amount (incense, oil popouri). For this month i'm putting a dollar a day in because i did put out a fair amount of extra costs. I may try and get it up to a couple of dollars a day later...we'll see. But i like looking at it as a symbol and its pretty too----haveing your cake and eating it too. Yes it costs and extra $15 more than a grimy cofffee can, but i can enjoy looking at it! And being able to look at it is half the point---so having a coffee can hidden away wouldn't have worked and one out would have been ugly. There are plenty of ugly things in here...but i do my best to try and keep them at a minimum.
Early readers might have seen me say the apt. was 300 feet. Well i'm not that good a measure all i knew was it was verysmall. Apparently they were going to be 300 square feet (likely where i got the number) but they decided to double the density---so they are closer to 150, officially below that. I was talking with one of the folks who lives here that knows the sizes of all the apts in here (the bachelors are all the same size...the two and four bedrooms vary). That was when i figured out why it seemed to so goddamed small compared to my last place porportion wize (my last place was about 550 square feet).
The other thing i found early on was the cute little counter i used last time i quit for the computer....although it took me a while to track it down. It keeps track on the bottom bar the number of days hours minutes seconds (and later weeks, months ...years if i get there) since you have quit...and if you pop it up it will tell you how many cigarettes you have skipped and how much money you have saved (you put in how many you smoked a day and the cost). I found last time around it was a real motivator...although i'll be happy when the seconds stop flashing (after a week i think). Its actually 12-24 hours after i quit (i just set it for midnight on one day....but i'll probably go from its read from now on mostly...which is at the moment 5 days 21 hours (in the future to be refered to as D H).
Thats mostly been my day today. I knew that today would be a challenge to stay off smoking and i feel like i've made it one step closer to being a ex-smoker...
Damned plain editor is still not working. I hope tblog gets around to fixing it...i can't stand this one and it makes more more dependent on nothing going wrong while i'm on line....and then for longer because of speed issues. For today i wrote on my notepad and pasted....but needed to reedit the italics and such...since Mozzilla needs the plain editor (and us with slower computer and modems do too) you'd think they'd fix it. It look like it wasn't randlom and i'll be writing our "landlord in absantee" who doesn't seem to answer technical support letters anyway (i didn't get any help from them when my blog went down for about a week earlier...but if enough complain it might work...people go their archives that way...so how about you nage them too? Cause some of the stuff i like doing and my style of writing are not suited for the "nomral" editor unless its a newpiece with some comment....which leaves about hlaf of the blog!M
I thought this was worth putting up--especially because i found it shocking. I must admit i don't watch 5 estate much anymore (i don't wath much tv anymore) but they've done good solid work in the past (i used to watch them regularly). And since Fox New is now on the digital cable and satellite IN CANADA its a especially important thing for us to be looking at. Also while the CBC turned down the opportunity to appear on O'Reilly's show...it appears he turned one from the CBC down quite a while ago...the documentary aired this week and was likely done mostly before Christmas would be my guess (having not seen it i can't say)---still Fox turned down the offer to appear on the other side first...quite proper for Fifth estate to return the favour. I could go on...let me just say the Globe is not considered left wing up here---at best you will get centrist if not right wing (although columist have wide berth and it does have good International coverage at times)......article is here: http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/ 2005/01/29/oreilly050129.html" title="http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/ 2005/01/29/oreilly050129.html" target="_blank"http://www.cbc.ca/story/canad... . I'm going to have to see if they have a reshow date for the CBC documentary...its sounds interesting. M
Bill O'Reilly posing on the roof of the Fox building in New York City, Oct. 13, 2003. (AP File Photo)
"Vicious attack on Fox News by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, totally out of any kind of bounds," said O'Reilly in his response Friday night to the Fifth Estate broadcast on Jan. 26.
"How low will they go? We'll show you the tape and you won't believe it!" was another response found on the Fox News website.
The Fifth Estate's website says the documentary examines the "war of words that's pitting conservative against liberal."
"It's loud, it's raucous, but does it have anything to do with the truth?" the site asks about the new kind of hard-hitting political debate on U.S. television.
Journalists, media watchers and other talk show hosts in the documentary took aim at the O'Reilly Factor and show's relationship with the truth.
In turn, the host had two guests on his show who agreed with him about the CBC.
"The Canadian government gives them a billion dollars to put this sort of stuff on the air, and the Canadian government is really at fault here, isn't it?" O'Reilly said to one guest.
"You scare the hell out of them, Bill," the guest answered.
CBC refused an invitation to appear on O'Reilly's show Friday night, and O'Reilly refused to be interviewed for the Fifth Estate broadcast.
In the past, O'Reilly has called the CBC radically to the left, the Globe and Mail a "far-left newspaper," and Canadian health care "socialist."
He and his conservative colleagues say they're doing journalism that is fair and balanced.
The Fox News Channel is the highest-rated news network in the United States. It is now widely available in Canada through cable and satellite services.
Well first i'm going to gripe. The thing won't let me use the plain editor at the moemnt and the combo of my machine, the server and my typing speed measn that i go pretty nuts using the "fancy" posting engine...besides i'm used to coding my own html in...i only use this one for posting articles usually. Unless it starts working soon you may see less of me here, as its a lot longer to do....
I quit smoking this week. Part of why i've been around less....along with being tired from increases in meds...which has stopped but the dose increase again tomorrow---by Feb 3 i will reach a point where we wil likely stop the increases. Its mostly taking time because both of the drugs we have worked on increasing can only be increased slowly....and because the specialist i saw thought they should be increased by quite a bit.
So i knew i would be short on cigarettes and ran out (January is the worst month generally in Ontario if you are on Welfare or ODSP)....but usually i would have found the money somewhere or hiberanted mostly. I had a little bit of nictorine gum left from when i last tried to quit...and to my surprise it went well...my biggest problem is the nicotine...also in my last quit (about 6 months) i wasn't able to decrease the nicotine all that much (i was using Nicotine Replacent Therapy) BUT i did learn a lot of the behavioural stuff....so since the nicotine seems to be less of a problem its going well. I moved down to the 2mg gum today---and i'm feeling it...but i'm still not cheqwing very many pieces---i don't know maybe it is going to come together this time...i didn't have any plans to quit until my meds were stable although it was on the list of things i wanted to do. It will be good timing if i can keep it up---my allergy season causes asthma, when i quit it didn't disapeer---but it went way down. And my allergy season is when the freezing starts or the thawing starts....theoretically any time now (we once had a thaw on the 5th of Feb---but that is unusual)....likely in March.
So i am on the slower side. And if this thing continues to just accept this fancy editor i might be less around...of course i might be able to cupt and past it from my text editor---come to thing of it i likely can because i do the articles that way....but you won't see any bold or italics really---they take forever on this thing to do (i can't help it i'm kinda old fashioned....although i came by it late.) I tried a zillion WYSIWYG HTML editors when i was trying to learn with no use. Eventually i found atutorial program that said throw out those use a pad (i've talked about htis elsewhere). That is where i finally uinderstood it and got basic stufff working (i still don't know how to post images properly from the plain editor---which is why i post the articles from here). Bitch, bitch...i'll continue to hope its a random error and not part of the new system.
I notice folks don't seem to find the Canadian politics all that interesting. Well i guess i can't choose what you find interesting...but i'm going to write about what i like to write about....and the politics here is hot at the moment because of the mionorty government and other factors. The bill on same sex marriage is being put to a first reading next week....I know its mostly Americans reading teh page...and i wish some of you found Canadian sutff more interestings...but then you mjust moght not be interestinted in my Canadian stuff---could be too techinical. I'd like ot think its that...its kinda depressing to think that people would prefer to see what i think of US policy than my own couctry's....And i'll let you in on a secret...i did my degree in poli sci---but for the poli sci party of teh degree (not the women's studies) i avoided doing any courses or papers on the US...successfully after the first year pretty much, the US topics i did were stuff that isn't normal US political sdebate (Congress and all that). Doesn't mean i didn't follow it or wasn't taught parts....but i've learned a almsot as much since i finished my degree on the US (once it wasn't a threat in school i did startereading books on US poli sci---after the degree was finished although what i read it probably still considered eclectic).Mind you i have always read more news than average...especially about how US politics will affect Canada---that has been consistent for years...i just mean i didn't do it accidmentically really except for some specific parts (i did a course on politics and alw and morality and all that...and we studied US Supreme court cases as well as Canadian---becuase of the similarities and differences---at the time WE were often following your lead on rights, although i think that has changed at the moment. Regardless there is an effect---so i did learn about Roe and all that (and the major problems with the Roe decision---the Planne Parenthood case hadn't happened yet at the time which changed US precedent on abortion---although i still haven't gotten it as clear as i'd like---but i've got a wondeful book on the topic---very long (hisotry of legalization of Birth Control to gay rights---ands it US). It also happens to be as dry as toast---so i'm only picking it up a bit at a time. It is quite thorough though, although its a history/law book...so some of the commentary on effect is less than i'm used to, or is built up in a way that sems boring to me. Its a good book though---and i got it at a good price remaidered---in a few years i may even read it all!
But i spent a lot of time studying Canada's politics an Europe's (we did have to do foreign of some type---although i did more than i needed to---it just didn't have to be US). Some time i'll maybe talk about the wierd order i took my course in and how i ended up kinda specialising in more areas that i really should have in a BA H. ...although the fourth year in the Honours does give you more room to move---i have 4 half credits at the fourth year level---meaning i took six in something else--...but how since i took 8 callendar years to finsih my degree [i took one year off and did about a fifth part time at the end---and that is not LD part time...that is a course or two a semester part time for various reasons]. Also the women's studies i took and my specialization on the politics of women (and to a certain extent other minorities and social movements) led to an unusual course selection--- but it was interesting! I also took my course all out of order---which saved my sanity but had a few wierd effects (generally it worked better than you might expect looking at how i did it).
Anyway that is it for now...i'll keep things posted although i might be more spotty for a while, or maybe i'll get back in the flow...
ONE MORE THING: my virus program updates more often than average (and it does it automatically and tells me when). However there have been four updates this week....and its FRIDAY. The most i've usually seen has been three---by the end of Sunday. There is likely some new bug out there---so if you aren't updating regularly you should...and if you don't have a program you ought to. Mine is free and i will give its name out on tmail request---i just don't want to be held responsible by anyone if it DOESN'T work for someone--hence i've never linked it. I will say its not the most common...although its become a lot more common than it was when i found it about 3/4 of a year ago. I like it...i will say personally i don't like AVG---i got quite a bad case of virus when i was using it even though i updated reguarly. OTOH generally i've done OK on viruses...and this program could well fail at some point too...but it could fix up what the AVG missed (and what Panda and EZ antivirus weren't able to clean off all the way)...if you go back in the archives i think i've talked of that virus epsiode.
If on the other hand you have McAfee or Norton and you update regularly you probably have a better virus program than me! I try to supplement with a variety of other programs for firewalls and spyware because (as i've noted before) i'ma freeware nut...and low on cash.
I'm putting this particular article in because its about the NDP and the Same Sex marriage bill...and i'm a member of the NDP and have discussed our position here....there are other articles turning up...i'll likely do a collage or a "news roundup" on the topic over the next few days. The reason there is a lot of publicity now is that its being voted on soon (i believe its only the first reading...but you need to make it past there to work your way into becoming a law). Interestingly even the Conservative leader is saying his party supports "registered union" [my wording...look in the indepth area or it may come posted]...even if against same sex marriage..this looks like it might be a response to polls though..
I'm pretty sure this artciel is missing the right to abstain in the NDP and not be penalized during the vote as it was something discussed pre-election. But that is more subtle and likely won't make the news until it happens.....also the title is wierd. One person does not a controversy make...although i grant you its valid news. And they left off the final thing that could happen in the NDP if you vote against the bill...you could be kicked out of the party.Also they left off one of the most important parts: Everyone who ran in June of this year would have known this AND that it was going to be an issue this parliament. A local Muslim woman running got asked about it all the time during the election (because she was devout and people asked a lot i guess) and answered that she would abstain because it was against her religious beliefs but since it was party policy to support same sex rights she would abstain from a vote (ie not vote against them....or for them). Original article is at http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/ 2005/01/26/ndpsamesex0501 26.html" title="http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/ 2005/01/26/ndpsamesex0501 26.html" target="_blank"http://www.cbc.ca/story/canad... M
MONTEBELLO, QUE. - Both the Bloc Québécois and the New Democratic Party are expected to give solid support to same-sex legislation in the House of Commons. For the NDP, allowing gays and lesbians to marry is official party policy.
During its caucus retreat in Montebello, Que., NDP Leader Jack Layton said there's not much to debate.
"I don't think there's a lot new to be added, quite frankly, at this point in time. Our members have been weighing these issues very carefully over the past several months," he said.
Layton isn't allowing his MPs any choice on how to vote when the legislation comes before the House. He wants all his members to support redefining the traditional definition of marriage.
But Manitoba MP Bev Desjarlais isn't on board. For months, Desjarlais has said her religious beliefs won't allow her to support same-sex marriage and she vows to break party ranks and vote against it.
"I believe as an elected representative, there are issues that people want to see you vote on one way or the other," she said.
Other New Democrats have expressed their own reservations, but Desjarlais is the only MP to be so openly defiant of her leader.
Tony Martin, the NDP MP for Sault Ste. Marie, and a devout Roman Catholic, says he'll vote with his party but says he understands Desjarlais's dilemma. "I have a lot of sympathy for her," he said.
Desjarlais could face discipline from the party. She could be stripped of her critic's duties or removed from parliamentary committees.
I think that a change is occuring in how i'm doing. Or rather there has been only a small change but its a sensing that a change is likely to occur soon. Of course i could be totally wrong---i'd be the first to admit it. But i also have a lot of experience in body feelings, head feelings and i can often pick things up. Like as a teenager (and sometimes as an adult..the meds make it harder to do and let to false positives so i don't "listen" generally in that area anymore) i could tell about 2 weeks before i was going to get very depressed that i would---even if i was feeling fine. I thought there was a pattern and later my mother confirmed it, without me proding much (it was years ago and i think i saw a pattern but she saw it earlier or differently than i did...it was a comfirmation to me that there was likely a chemical part that was off despite the fact she said there was nomental illness in the family [and as i later found out she was lying through her teeth about]).
I mean, yes, i guess i feel a bit better. But i have this sense that it will likely improve more even though i'm not feeling that yet. It is something to watch out for. Heck it makes me feel a bit better on its own....although i'm realistic and not everything works out. I do have a large capacity for figuring things out regarding my body that isn't present in most folks (physically is where it usually shows up---i can tell when i have a bladder infection without tests almost 100% correct and when a cough has turned into bronchitis before my doctor can hear it)...i may have talked of this earlier. Its not supernatural or anything like that...i'm just in some ways more aware of my body and how it is working than others---with some exceptions. In fact it was a shrink who pointed out i was more in touch with my body in that way and then (without a lot of info from me) was able to tell me some of the hassles i would (or had) gone through with doctors---such as going in for anti-biotics when i had bronchitis...and my pediatrician wouldn't be able to hear it and would send me home...but a week later she would give me the anti-biotics at which point i felt sick as a dog. One of the things i looked for in a GP was someone that would listen to me and keep track...after a while she would see i had a pretty good track record even if she didn't want to believe it at the beginning i figured. In the end i got someone pretty open minded as it was so there wasn't as much waiting required...although for a few years she would test my blood for white blood cells (signs of an infection) if i said i had a bladder infectiong...but give me the pills that would likely work before she had the culture back....now she doesn't even bother with that (i had a susceptibility to urinary track infections that goes back to when i was a kid....i loved Bubble Bath and my mom hated it because she knew it meant a visit to the doctor---normally she wouldn't let me use it but enough begging would sometimes get it early on before it was totally clear---but at some point i started avoding it too....and the chemicals in the contraceptives i can use do similar things...you have no idea how happy i was when they came up with a version that stayed in the vagina and didn't leak out---that took care of a lot of the adult infections)
I'm glad to feel this change coming. The thing to watch for now is that i don't end up improving too much (or to watch to see if it happens at all too). Bipolar 2 means depression with hypomanias and tends to be more depression...but hypomanias can and do occur. On the other hand the only medications we have changed are mood stablizers so you wouldn't think they would cause a problem. I know though that the lamictal is not given to bipolars 1 (the classic manic depressive) because it can be to activating (read makes them go hypomanic or full manic) in some cases. So the chance of that happening is low, but its something not to totally forget either.
The proccess is quite differnt than i can think of writing it here. I don't think about it in this way...but its the way i can explain how i think about it...as it is almost more like a second sense. My guess with guessing when the depression was coming was that at that point some change was happening but it took a while for it to actually affect my mood---but i could feel the difference after many experiences and eventually could tie the two. I have less experience with feeling good---because i usually don't. But i have gotten this type of thing right a number of times...and wrong (a much lower percentage of the time)....and the depression signals kept up for years when i was on anti-depressants...sometimes i would get depressed a bit, sometimes a lot sometimes i would stay where i was (usually low level depression). It scared me at first but what i realized after a while was that the medications were mediating the effect of what i had learned to notice...so it was no longer reliable.
However this is one that i've learned to identify since i started taking medication...so there is more hope that its correct. I'm not going to go betting on it---but i think things may get a bit more chearful soon. And that is nice. M
HONG KONG - Should the minority Liberals lose a free vote on same-sex marriage it would not necessarily lead to an election call, Prime Minister Paul Martin clarified Saturday, the last day of his nine-day diplomatic tour through Asia.
The Prime Minister and his wife toured the Great Wall of China in Badaling, before heading to Hong Kong. (CP Photo)
On Friday, the prime minister suggested Canadians could go to the polls over the same-sex marriage issue. When asked Saturday what would spark an election, he pointed to Conservative Leader Stephen Harper.
If Harper wants to ensure marriage in Canada remains between a man a woman, he will have to over-ride the Charter of Rights, said Martin.
"The role of the prime minister of this country is to protect the rights of minorities, and protecting the rights of the minorities is certainly a question about which the government of Canada will be prepared to go to the people on," Martin said.
"I'm not speculating on the notwithstanding clause. Stephen Harper has said that he has an option. The only way that that option can be realized is if, in fact, you use the notwithstanding clause. Stephen Harper has got to come clean and tell Canadians the truth – there are no other options," Martin told reporters.
Harper has accused Martin of political posturing by throwing the notwithstanding clause into the conversation.
"[Martin] keeps talking about the notwithstanding clause and legal mumble-jumble, because he doesn't want to face the marriage issue," said Harper.
Martin said the government will proceed with legislation legalizing same-sex marriage across the country early in 2005.
He has promised a free vote on the bill, although cabinet ministers will be expected to support the legislation.
On the articles + personal political experiences as they relate more or less
OK before i start...this is likely the key part of the Toronto Star article (which is more recent than the CBC one) and is either catchup (ie make what you said make sense) or an explanation. My feeling is its catchup or a combination of the two:
An election though, is not just in the Prime Minister's hands. He has a minority government, and his office said yesterday the same-sex legislation would not be considered a matter of confidence that could bring down the government. The vote sometime later this year is considered a free vote for MPs, but cabinet ministers are obliged to support the government. So the relevant bit is likely:
But Martin spokesperson Marc Roy said it would be a matter of confidence if there were to be a vote to return to a ban on same-sex marriage by using the "notwithstanding clause" in the Constitution to override the courts. The Supreme Court of Canada ruled last month that the plan to extend civil marriage to same-sex couples was constitutional.
What doesn't make sense without this is that the vote on same sex marriage is at the moment not whipped. A whipped vote is when they keep track of how everyone in the party votes...and you are expected to follow it (some don't sometimes but they don't last long if they do especially if its a confidence issue...even in a majority government if you are in gov and vote against the budget [which has happened in recent memory and which is thought was right] you get tossed from the party). So if only the cabinet is whipped there is no guarantee that he would even get support from all of the party and in a minority government that is very iffy...and its ridiculous to call a non-whipped vote a confidence vote. My guess goes for the catch-up version (ie they came up with something good to explain it later). The first article chronologically (2nd in the post) gives a good idea why they would need to come up with something....and its something very different.
The Not Withstanding Clause (NWC)is a clause which allows the government (or provincial government) to not allow some charter rights for a period of up to 5 years. After that it has to be voted on again (and can be voted on again earlier i'm pretty sure...in practice it is rarely used). The only time it has been used regularly was in protest by the Partie Quebecois after the Constitution was repatriated in 1980 without the Quebec governments aggreement on how (a big and long historical thing) and they put it in every single piece of legislation they passed...in practice it has only been used a few times, from memory i would say less than 5 since the Charter was brought in and became effective (passed in 1982...but some parts took another few years to kick in to allow for changes in legislation to bring them inline if they weren't).
And federally the NWC has never been used up until new (20 years). Interestingly when i think of it i think of a provincial government using it...i'd never reallly thought of the feds using it because it was added mainly to placate provinces into agreeing generally to repatriation of the Constitution (except Quebec)...and actually Saskatchewan used it first...although people love to go after Quebec for the couple of times they've used it and forget about Saskatchewan use. I never even thought really of a federal use....and i did poli sci...although it was theoretically possible. And as i said it doesn't cover all of the rights...some are written in several times in different ways and can't be written out in the second version (the women's movement fought a huge fight over this when the Charter was being written...women's rights are written in twice. Along with some others (i believe aboriginal and maybe something else...if people care i can look it up..its sitting on the bookshelf a few feet away...or if you want the wording same thing).
To me it mainly sounds like posturing after all these trade talks with countries that have terrible human rights problems (China) or where it has become an issue (India---a group specifically brought it up when he was coming---there is a link in the CBC story about it). Posturing that he later realized he couldn't do after what he had previously promissed---so he's now saying its if the other parties pass a NOW on the issue against marriage (his party would not introduce such legislation).
Frankly i think it should be a whipped vote and within the NDP it is. You are allowed to abstain (ie not vote) for personal or religious reasons but if you vote against the law you will be quicked out of the party (the party has stood for same sex rights for years and since a debacle in the early 90's where a vote in Ontario was not whipped by the NDP, which was the government, it has been made clear that those are your options...and you know that when you run).
Since the Supreme Court has ruled that it doesn't have to rule on the Charter regarding Same Sex equality and marriage (because the federal government did not appeal the decision where it was decided) and more than half of the provinces and territories now have ruled the same the party is just playing coward as far as i'm concerned. OTOH its already law in many of the provinces and territories and marriage is a provincial responsibility from what i understand (except perhaps the feds rulling that the marriage must be allowed). In our wierd breakup of some of powers marriage is provincial but divorce is federal.
The law would basically mandate that provnices had to provide for marriage civilly and recognize religious marriages of same sex couples. No religious group is going to be forced to perform same sex marriages (that gets into religious freedom which is also protected). And it has really zilcho to do with polygamy---other than as a big scare thing.
In the provinces where it is law no religious order has been sued over it yet (and its been law for over a year in most) and likely none ever will. I know in Manitoba that Justices of the Peace (they are who perform civil marriages) were told if they wouldn't do same sex marriages to resign and it became a hot topic...at this point they are still working but it hasn't exactly been cleared up (i mean what if you are in a small town and the guy won't marry you...not exactly equality...personally i can see the problems but it seems to me if you are a justice of the peace you hold up the law---which includes same sex marriage---although i'll admit that point is different and i can see the vailidity of some debate for people who are already Justices of the Peace...i don't see it for future one's...they will know what the civil law will be when they join the bench, it won't be like a change in the middle of things.)
Alberta under Ralph Klein is (predictably) saying it will use the NWC so that it doesn't have to recognize civil marriage.....but that becomes another debate to be had then as far as i'm concerned. Don't put the cart before the apple as they say.
As for the Conservative Party they are targetting ethnic groups in the pull back and forth on whether the law will pass....which is on the different side as the two parties it is formed from are not known to be the friendliest parties to ethnic minorities...although they aren't hostile either within a very very limited framework my way of saying i don't get why a person of a minority would support them under what they believe but its anyone's right and they aren't blocked from membership...partly its a view of which party in the joining is more transcendent...the party was formed last year out of the Progressive Conservative Party and the Canadian Alliance, before they were splitting the right wing vote. In my view the Progressive Conservative Party was much more acception of minorities in the past (if not neccesarily when joined...there were factions by then over joining the parties or not)...but isn't the one that has the most ideological basis in the new party. It is admittedly somewhat difficult to tell as they haven't had their first policy convention yet and that is where such stuff becomes somewhat clearer. Not that any party is perfect in that way...the Liberal party parachuted a candidate in in Vancouver where the person that had won the nomination and the person they had lost to were both of Chinese orgin...to replace them with a white person (maybe a woman i can't remember as it was such a stupid move). Officially the party can do that...but its usually to increase diversity, not to decrease it.
To be honest i'm not sure what the NDP's official position on parachuting is, but i know there is a strong movement within the party to have women well represented (if there is a conference you get a certain number of seats based on how large you consituency is and 50% of the seats are researved for women to try and increase their ability to participate and to get policy that reflects women's needs too). And it does work to a certain extent...i got to go to a national policy conference as a result of that system ...its possible i would have otherwise...but less likely...as it was i only needed to come second last in the voting to go...whereas the voting for the men was much more competitive that particular time...about a 50% chance of winning just based on numbers although where you sit helps too..i also gave a speach on my position and i don't remember where i was exactly in the standings except it wasn't the top...it was quite a while ago. And i learned a lot then, so maybe if i go in the future i can actually do a lot more...by the end i'd figured more out...but it was quite confusing i'll admit! I think everyone likely goes through that pattern though.
This time around for provincial conference i believe we had more seats than people in my area that went...i won't know for sure until i get the new newsletter....but we got quite a few seats and it was a huge increase from previous representation in this area (the time i had gone it was in another neighbouring area i lived in previously...and it traditionally had more members and thus more spots). The party in my area has increased its membership phenominally (although starting from a somewhat small number...which makes it somewhat easier) so the number of spots available skyrocketed. If i'd had an idea how likely it was that i could go if i wanted i might have arranged things so i could go. As it was i'm new to the riding and didn't think it would be "right" yet for me (i've lived here a while but only transfered my membership this year during the election...you get to choose where you membership is, although you can only vote on candidates to run for an election in your area) to "run" for a spot to go against other members that had been around a lot longer...i wanted to get my feel...if i'd known that in all likelyhood most of our spots weren't used...well that would have been differnent...in my case the two wards are right against one another...so if i really wanted i could go to the nomination meetings for my new area with my membership in the other area...in practice i didn't...mostly because i didnt' know this area that well...i've gone to nomination meetings in the past and voted for both Federally and Provincial candidates in the past....and then volunteered for them during the election.
Not to put my new area down. I actually changed the membership after getting to know them better and i decided that overall even though its smaller here and we are not likely to win a seat any time soon (its pretty much a "safe" seat for the Liberals) that i felt that when i wanted to i could be much more involved in this area more comfortably...its smaller and less profesionalized, for a number of reasons but likely more representative of what party memberships and size and debate are like for a number of reasons. We aren't as likely to win here (the other one was always marginally winnable) but we've done well...we increased our percentage of the vote quite a bit and as i've mentioned our membership has gone way up. Perhaps at some point it will be winnable...but at this point we are looking at it as about 10 years...working on continuing to improve how we are doing. And we are increasing our percentage of the vote on each election.
And when it is smaller its more personal which is nice. During the federal election i took the candidate around in my building (i asked if he would come). The building is traditionally ignored and has the type of makeup that if you can get the people to vote will vote more often for the NDP...and having a candidate come to the door and answer questions and explain what they stand for certainly helps too. Ideally you could do every building that way...but there often isn't time. And since i knew the makeup of the building i was able to give the candidate "R" pointers on what information about NDP policy would be the most interesting in all likelyhood (i like most of it...but the stuff he was talking about on the fifth floor was not that applicable here...but the fourth and third it was much more topical---we don't have residents on the second or first).
And while a lot of folks weren't all that interested (predictable) i think we did get more out to vote...although its hard to know for sure if that increased our vote (i think it did in all likelyhood and even if it didn't it brought politics more home...even if people voted for someone else if they actually did vote and weren't before i think it was worth it).
PM `ready' for election Martin willing to go to polls to support same-sex marriage
Lashes out at Harper for criticism of pending legislation
TONDA MACCHARLES OTTAWA BUREAU
BEIJING—Seven months after the last federal election, the issue of same-sex marriage could send Canadians to the polls — and soon. Prime Minister Paul Martin interrupted his trade tour of China yesterday to lash out at a comment made by Tory Leader Stephen Harper in Montreal. Harper had earlier taken a shot at the government's plan to bring in legislation legalizing same-sex marriage, saying "the next thing on the Liberal agenda will be polygamy and who knows what else." Harper's comments had Martin seething. "Unlike Mr. Harper I will stand up for the Canadian Charter of Rights and I will respect the rights of all," Martin told reporters. "That's the difference. He won't stand up for the Charter of Rights and I will." Asked if he was prepared to go to an election over such a fundamental question, Martin said in French he would not rule it out. "It's not my intention to go to an election. We are there to govern. And I want to continue, we want to govern. But if the question ... is, am I ready to go to an election to support the Charter of Rights against those who want to attack it, the answer is absolutely yes." An election though, is not just in the Prime Minister's hands. He has a minority government, and his office said yesterday the same-sex legislation would not be considered a matter of confidence that could bring down the government. The vote sometime later this year is considered a free vote for MPs, but cabinet ministers are obliged to support the government. But Martin spokesperson Marc Roy said it would be a matter of confidence if there were to be a vote to return to a ban on same-sex marriage by using the "notwithstanding clause" in the Constitution to override the courts. The Supreme Court of Canada ruled last month that the plan to extend civil marriage to same-sex couples was constitutional. Martin is under increasing pressure from inside his Liberal caucus and from religious groups and leaders not to proceed with the legislation, expected in less than two weeks. Yesterday, Marc Cardinal Ouellet, the Archbishop of Quebec and the Roman Catholic Primate of Canada, released an open letter to Martin, saying "at the risk of being judged "politically incorrect," we need to recall that the bill under discussion is offensive to the moral and religious sensibility of a great number of citizens, both Catholic and non-Catholic." Ouelett's comments follow those of Toronto's Catholic Archbishop Aloysius Ambrozic, who wants the notwithstanding clause used to override the Supreme Court decision. In Beijing, Martin said Harper cannot realize "how ridiculous he must look" to suggest that allowing people to have more than one marital partner could be on the Liberal agenda. "Polygamy is against the law, and as far as I'm concerned it will always be against the law," said Martin. "And the fundamental issue that is at stake here (is that a Harper) government is one that would strip away the rights of individuals. It would strip away the rights of minorities. That's not my Canada, it will never be my Canada." After returning to Ottawa, Harper issued a statement that "while he (Martin) promised that the upcoming vote will be free for his backbenchers, he now appears to be threatening them with an election should they vote against his legislation." Harper went on to say "I thought Mr. Martin had an agenda that he was planning to legislate, but if he wants to call an election on this issue, so be it. I am confident that our position on this issue is supported by a majority of Canadians." The same-sex legislation could be introduced by Justice Minister Irwin Cotler a couple of days after the Commons resumes sitting Jan. 31. The Liberals hold 133 of the 308 seats in the Commons. There are 99 Conservatives, almost all of whom would vote against same-sex legislation, but the 54 Bloc Québécois MPs and the 19 NDP MPs are solidly in support. There are two independents and one vacancy. Leading up to the June 28 election last year, Harper appeared to be leading, but some analysts suggest the tide turned against him when he suggested Martin was soft on child pornography. If the Liberals press ahead with a quick election, they will again try to paint him as intolerant and out of touch with the new Canadian society. But many Liberal MPs found out over the recent holidays that their constituents agree with Harper. Martin's comments came at the end of a three-day visit here during which he was repeatedly questioned about human rights abuses in China. The questions became more pointed yesterday when Conservative MP Jason Kenney, one of several opposition MPs invited on the trip, publicly paid respects at the home of the Zhao Ziyang, a former Communist Party leader who died Monday. It was a gesture Martin had declined a day earlier, saying it was not on his "schedule." In contrast, Kenney found an interpreter and went to Zhao's street to show "solidarity" with those who support rights and democracy in China. It had been a risky move that could have backfired, and come off as a political stunt. Instead, a handful of Canadian reporters were struck by the impact Kenney's gesture had on his 28-year-old interpreter, who was 13 when the Tiananmen Square massacre occurred on June 4, 1989. Yesterday, encouraged by Kenney, the man said he overcame his instinctive fear when they first turned down the block and saw the police. "I think I did show my own respect to the leader as well, not just help Jason, Mr. Jason, to do that. I think myself I was involved as well," said the man. "I'm very proud," said the man, asking reporters not to use his name for fear he would lose his job. "He was a great leader." Zhao had lived under house arrest ever since he tried to warn the 1989 Tiananmen Square protesters of their impending fate. Kenney said Martin obviously had to be diplomatic, but should be more forceful on human rights in China. "Why should we as Canadians be shy about appropriate expressions of our support for democracy and human rights in China ..." the Calgary MP said. But Martin said the family had requested privacy, the same thing Chinese police told Kenney when he arrived. "I think probably the greatest tribute you can give somebody for whom you have admiration is that you respect that family's grief. Jason Kenney didn't do that," Martin said. He argued that Canada was helping China make real "progress" on human rights. Kenney said that Martin is "naïve" and "gullible."
Paul Martin tours the Forbidden City in Beijing Friday. (CP photo)
Martin told reporters in Beijing that he wasn't keen to hold an election, but said he was willing to go to the polls over the issue.
The prime minister's remarks followed Conservative Leader Stephen Harper's allegation on Thursday that the Liberals' support for same-sex marriage could evolve one day into support for polygamy.
"It's not my intention to go into an election," Martin told reporters in French. "We want to govern. Am I ready to go into an election to uphold the Charter of Rights against those who would attack it? The answer is certainly yes."
Harper was quick to shoot back at Martin on Friday, saying: "If he wants to call an election on this issue, so be it. I am confident that our position on this issue is supported by a majority of Canadians."
The opposition leader said he found Martin's remarks difficult to understand. "While he [Martin] promised that the upcoming vote will be free for his backbenchers, he now appears to be threatening them with an election should they vote against his legislation," Harper said.
Conservative member of Parliament Monte Solberg told CBC News earlier that Martin "better be careful what he wishes for." He said there were a lot of traditional Liberal supporters, particularly "ethnic" groups, who may "not be with him on same-sex."
Same-sex dogs Martin on Asian tour
With Ottawa set to introduce same-sex marriage legislation within weeks, the issue has followed the prime minister on his trip to Asia, even as he has visited tsunami disaster zones and China.
On an earlier stop in India, Martin ran into controversy over his government's stance on same-sex marriage, when the spiritual leader of Sikhs in India denounced the practice in a public statement.
Also this week, the Conservatives have begun running ads in ethnic and community newspapers across Canada, urging readers to get involved in the party's effort to stop the legislation allowing same-sex marriage.
"We're quite prepared to make this an election issue," Solberg added on Friday.
New Democrat MP Bill Blaikie said Martin's comments seemed to be "totally incoherent."
MP Monte Solberg (file photo)
"[They] may have just been a moment of unthinking bravado," Blaikie told CBC News.
Harper links same-sex and polygamy
Harper had said the traditional definition of marriage should be enshrined in law or Canada could be faced with more radical demands, such as legalizing polygamy.
"I hate to say this, but I think you have to draw the line somewhere," he told a news conference in Montreal.
On Friday, Martin called this idea ridiculous.
Justice Minister Irwin Cotler had earlier denied there was any link between the two issues. "We don't see any connection – I repeat, any connection – between the issue of polygamy and the issue of same-sex marriage," he said Thursday.
Ok for those of you who haven't been around too long i'm very political...the life part of the title is meant as my life...which includes politics.
IMHO you (and the rest of the world) need four more years of Bush promoting freedom like we need a shot in the head. Where to start...well first off ordinary US folks rights have been greatly decreased by Bush...Patriot Act anyone. Although i could see some of the confusion...i posted a comment about an article in a British Newspaper about how a libarian had put up a sign in her library about "Big Brother Watching You" on a mainly american group and most folks wouldn't believe me until i put up the link (which took me hours to find because it was several months old and the paper doesn't have a great search engine). No warrant is needed to look at even what library books you read for Gods sake. Canadian provinces are looking out at who they subcontract and contract work out to because not only are those rules of nonprivacy applicable to US citizens..but also any US company...meaning we loose our privacy too if we use a US company to database some health stuff!.
Oh and citizens that are in a war with the US need this freedom like a shot in the head too. Geneva conventions don't apply to prisoners...i mean they are soinconvinient aren't they...having to treat prisoners correctly..not torturing them and such?
For that matter who needs the UN to decide when to go to war? Admittely not ever south contry (in the North/South method of categorizing countries...i don't like "third world") goes to the Security Council over their wars...but the US criticizes them on it and so do we. Of course Canada follows the UN rules so we have a much better case...US under Bush doesn't bother....he can make decisions like that for himself, the US and the world. And why the hell Iraq in the first place. It may have been rumoured to have WMD but they knew positively that N. Korea had the bomb (i'm not saying that was worth a war either). Could it be because N. Korea could fight back? Or that the Bush gov. was just obsessed with Iraq?
Admittedly N. Korea might not have been able to use their bomb...but China's work quite well from what we know thank you. So instead spread lots of rumours about Iraq being tied to Al Qaeda (not ties really ever found..one or two meetings in 10 years is not a relationship...Saddam didn't want to be involved with them...he wanted to rule Iraq.)
And look at the God damn mess over there at the moment. Now OK if the security council had decided to ok the war in the Iraq i would still likely complain, but nowhere near as bitterly. It would have been a coalition fight and likely you guys wouldn't be stuck in the new Vietnam. Everyone wants the elections to go ahead but look at the situation there...how can you have a real election in that...and the Sunnis ( at least 20% of the population) will likely boycott (can't say i'm surprised...at first people thought they might boycott...now they are likely to be bombed where they vote).
Ach the whole thing makes me sick and angry. I am so glad i live in Canada in comparisson..although overall i think i'd prefer to live in Sweden and may someday try and immigrate...but that is for very different personal reasons (i like the political system there...and as i mentioned politics is quite important to me).
Now our laws have also been messed up. We have less freedom, they are keeping people on Security Certificates...but i don't support that and a lot of Canada doesn't...and it is so much less than the Patriot Act...of course more Canadian generally know about it than Americans (not necessarily your fault...your media is worse than ours...which is saying a lot!)...i read British regularly as it is because i get better world coverage there...or if its important i will read French too [Le Monde generally]. They had very different coverage (and still do) of what is occuring in Iraq and Israel. Heck i read Ha'aretz now and then (left wing Israeli paper...some of the articles are translated into a English version).
So i know most folks aren't as interested in reading that many papers...but you'd likely get more info on the US from the British paper i read (the Guardian)...i certainly generally got more info on the elections than i did from US papers (generally the Washington Post), although it was nice to find the debates all posted there the next day with a play by play referee on whether some claims were correct letting you think about it. I don't know but i wouldn't be suprised if you found more coverage in the Telegraph one of the most right wing broadsheets in the UK (coming from Canada i thought it was rather in the centre at compared to here...did i mention i have a lot of problems with Canadian news...although there are decent sources if you look?)
In fact there are decent sources of info in the US as well...they just aren't all that well publicized and in fact i often find out about them from the British Newspaper i read...i read an interesting report on the WMD in Iraq way earlier than it was released generally in the US from a US think tank...maybe i should think more of posting those types of links when i get my left and right panels working again)
Four more years of Freedom. Sounds like the wonderful freedom Americans have to decide if they want health care of not...sounds nice but results in a rotten result. M
Well i think its about time the Catholic Church started taking a stand like this. Of course the Catholic Church is not the only one that seems to be taking silly policies on Condoms...i've been reading quite a few stories on how Abstinense is being taught in some schools almost exclusively....and they tell you condoms almost always fail (in this case its the Protestant Bible thumpers...i'll try to look on of the articles up---may be too old...Toronto Star only goes back a week for free). They have a appreared in relation to how the Bush government and the Conservative Right will work together (and in this case are to some extent already...these are gov. funded programs). Not to blame just the US ...i hear the Pope says Condoms are uselless against AIDS too (a position which makes lots of peole quite mad...don't use is one thing...misinformation is another in my mind).
A study of the US kids in absitencse sex ed programs showed they waited on average at most a year later to have sex...but used condoms way less frequently...not a good pay off in my mind. Of course i know some is culture (birth contol generally is used in Canada more...even though we have a higher percentage of Catholics than the US---looked that up for Wikipedia on a different topic).
So here is the article. I think its a great move...and one not taken in Canada, at least officially (i'm not Catholic i'm not sure what compromises that are quieter could be happening---or they could be ating idiotic too...except around here very few listen to them on birth control anyway. And if you are Catholic and want to /believe deeply in following the ideas on Birth Control i don't have a problem or if you are a Bible thumper...misinformatino or unrealstic sex ed is another matter). I got the article at CBC.ca at http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2 005/01/19/catholiccondoms -0119.html" title="http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2 005/01/19/catholiccondoms -0119.html" target="_blank"http://www.cbc.ca/story/world.... The Guardian will likely have a larger story later...it so far it isn't there...(i have no problem with their ABC theory even if it isn't for me...i guess to a certain extent i use B, although not for religiou reasons and in an altered form being poly)...leaving out C is a problem in my mind)M
MADRID - The Catholic Church in Spain is supporting the use of condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS.
It's a significant change of policy for the church, which has consistently dismissed campaigns for it to endorse condoms.
The announcement comes after a meeting Tuesday between Spain's health minister and officials with the Spanish Bishops Conference.
The Vatican has repeatedly said that condoms can't be used to prevent AIDS because they are a type of artificial birth control. It has not commented on the Spanish announcement.
A spokesperson for the Spanish church says its change of policy is backed by science, and cited a study in the medical magazine Lancet that supports the "ABC" approach:
Abstinence.
Being faithful to partners.
Condoms.
The Spanish Federation of Lesbians, Gays, Transsexuals and Bisexuals welcomed the move, saying the church's change of position was inevitable.
Death beats Halifax: George Washington Last Updated Tue, 18 Jan 2005 9:51:06
HALIFAX - A 229-year-old letter by George Washington that describes Halifax as a dreadful place that soldiers would rather die than stay in will be sold at auction this weekend.
Washington was a general in the War of Independence when he wrote about the British Loyalists who fled Boston during the American Revolution.
George Washington from Gilbert Stuart's 1796 portrait. (AP photo)
In the four-page letter dated May 9, 1776, he said the Loyalists detested their time in Halifax and preferred to die than to stay in the city.
"But death being preferred to this, they now wait, in confinement," Washington wrote to Maj.-Gen. Charles Lee, one of his officers.
Sotheby's is auctioning off the letter and six others this weekend in New York.
The letter, currently owned by a family in Rhode Island, is expected to go for as high as $240,000 Cdn.
David Sutherland, a history professor at Dalhousie University in Halifax, said some Canadians may not appreciate the letter's content.
"You can see he's rubbing it in when he talks about Halifax in these negative terms. …This isn't particularly positive, so it'll grate on some nerves."
Washington also described how the Tories had to pay $6 a week for "sorry" rooms, and the high rent and overcrowded conditions in the city led some Loyalists to return to Boston.
It's an accurate description of Halifax at that time, Sutherland admitted. It was a frontier town, he said, that grew quickly in 1776 and "stank to high heaven."
History professor John Reid, at Saint Mary's University, also agreed with Washington's appraisal of Halifax, but stressed that it reflects a newcomer's experience.
"For those who were already living in Halifax, those who didn't have to scramble for accommodation or pay extortionist rent, it probably was a time of real opportunities."
Just finished Watching Kissing Jessica Stein...made me happy made me sad
I don't know how many of you have seen the film...but it would be on the hard to describe side (but i loved it). At the same time it made me both happy and sad---and in a wierd way i identified with Helen in some ways and with Jessica in others.
Helen's character is more sexual than mine, but carries similar views i think....i don't have any problem telling folks i date girls, and i would get annoyed as hell as she did if my girlfriend had a problem with it.
At the same time i felt for Jessica on getting into the sex stuff. Well i'm further ahead than she is in the movie...i've certainly slept with women but i often feel on the inexperienced side none the less (i often feel somewhat that way with men---and in some cases its clear i know more---neurotic i suppose---but its much more valid with women and thus concerns me more...with men its just part of the anxiety of starting a relationship.
And when Helen dumps Jessica because they are not longer having sex...i can totally see it. That would me be (eventually) barring any specific reason (before i found out pot could help with the sexual problems caused by anti-depressants a couple of boyfriends had to go through...shall we say very dry periods...but they knew it was a drug side effect and not them...slightly different....now i know pot kills the effect so its not as big a problem...unless whoever i'm with is very uptight about pot --i don't even need that much for the Viagra [as i call it...if i was a guy they'd give me Viagra] effect---although sometimes more is nice).
Here i am in my 30's and i've never had a long term relationship with a woman where it was a definite relationship. There were emotional one's...and sexual one's, but the two have never come together all that often.
But i suppose if you take the movie story line to mean something (and maybe it doesn't...but it makes me think)...its not all the hopeless...they are not that much younger or older than me.
Overall i'd prefer to be with a woman. But woman are harder to meet. In fact i get out so little these days that women and men are hard to meet (i used to be having to slap away the guys at one point in my life...long time ago).
I'm polyamourous. If you don't know what that means it means litterally "many loves". Basically i don't believe in just doing serial monogamy as is popular i believe you can have an ...well for lack of a better term "open relationship". Except its a lot more complicated than that...and the people you've heard me talk about knew that. Heck...the guy i was dating is more involved in the poly community in my city than i am---low funds make it hard on me and i guess in some ways he just finds socilizing easier...they have everythign right near the end of the month (last weekend usually) so i'm straight out of money and stressed. They do potlucks...and i could go without much but that doesn't get rid of all of it (in fact there is also a Pagan thing on the last weekend of the month i'd like to go to as well but don't usually for the same reason).
Basically it means a lot of communication with your partner (if you are like me...everyone is different...but this is an agreed thing and its usually more specific than go and sleep with anyone you want). My last long term relationship was that way...and i think we learned more about each other earlier because we had to discuss what we wanted as our rules...which gets you talking of things. And it was monogamous until that was decided...and most of the later time (i slept with a few women...one a bit of a affair...he didn't sleep with anyone else---and i believe him...). Didn't hurt the relationship...the only time it caused a problem was when i told him to be out of my apt by a certain time...he needed to use the computer for something important and refused to leave until he finished....after it was really obvious i'd brought someone special home and i wasn't interested in a group evening! Eventually he left...but you get an idea it wasn't a big issue.
The Helen character is like that, but i see the innocence in some ways of the Jesscia character in me. I guess i just wish i'd get around to meeting the right person(s). Aside from quick failures (which admittedly i may classify as longer than some) i haven't had a long term relationship since 1998...and that last 1.5 years (generally if it works for 6 weeks it lasts for me...getting to the six weeks is the hard part).
I guess its a circular thing. How do you meet people when you have almost no money to go out...and when you don't meet people how do you manage to push a little harder on the finances to go out---or if they are living on more than me they can help pay! (DK only mentioned this at the end of our try and by then it was too late...i think when we were thinking of reviving it even though it wouldn't happen in the end---i finally said to him you complain about us always being in but i have no money to go out...what do you want. And he said he would have paid...and i said..well i thought you were unemployed so i didn't ask....and he said it was nowhere near that bad so i asked why he hadn't said. Apparently it has offended people in the past.)
Well i had to deal with that issue a long time ago. Guys make more money than women generally. Its a fact. When i start dating someone its dutch...but after a while if they make a hell of a lot money than me...well i expect them to pick up more of the costs! One person i dated in particular was still living at home, had a TA an RA and the only thing he was paying off was a car!...plus his RA was very good most of the time we were dating...he was bringing in almost $30,000 a year...tuition paid....i was bringing in around $10,000----and i needed to pay tuition. It was with him that i got clearer on that idea. I mean i was paying rent, food etc ect. so even on an even level he had more than me...and he got 3 times what i did! He wanted to things i couldn't afford and missed doing them...and eventually i decided that with the difference in income it made perfect sense. He would actually chip in for the food that he was eating at my place on the weekends (for most of the relationship he was over all weekend, so he did eat a fair bit---not that i asked for it all that much---the drive to the supermarket was also a big help).
The next person i dated didn't make all that much more than me. He sometime paid a bit more...but generally we went dutch on things...although if i had some and he didn't we'd go out on mine and vice versa. Mainly he was better at budgetting overall than me but i had a more secure (but hard to handle) funding during the year from loans and a job while i was in school. A few years earlier when he'd been a TA he'd made more than me...then it might have worked out different. I"m not saying i ever reached a perfect balance (we never did) but there was an effort there on both sides. He was a vegetarian and i bought lentils for him eventually (i don't touch the things except occaisionally in soup). He tried to keep his place warmer than he usually would when i was around because i noticed the cold a lot more.
I've just been single for so long and its lonely. The movie moved me and i wanted to share how (which likely doesn't require watching the movie...although if there is confusion ask). Hope you all have a good evening. M
WINNIPEG - A man brandishing a samurai sword forced his way through the drive-thru window to rob a McDonald's restaurant in Winnipeg on Sunday.
The thief, who also wielded a pipe, climbed through the window at about 5:30 a.m. He held the sword to the throat of the restaurant's 17-year-old manager, forcing him to open a back door to an accomplice.
The robbers bound three employees with duct tape and forced the manager to give them cash.
They tied him up and fled the restaurant, which is located in the southern part of the city at Pembina Highway and Chancellor Drive.
The victims, who weren't injured, eventually freed themselves and called police.
Winnipeg police commended staff for how they handled the situation.
"A male coming to a drive-thru window armed with a sword and a pipe is going to be intimidating for anyone, let alone this 17-year-old manager," said Const. Shelly Glover.
"These employees did a fantastic job, given the trauma that they were obviously suffering."
Police said the suspects wore balaclavas, sunglasses and dark clothing. They didn't say how much money was taken.
American Commandos in Iraq---a very important story to read.
Hi folks...i know i haven't done a lot of news lately (to the new people that read the blog i used to do news at least once a week...before i slowed down, but i'm working on getting it back up). This however is a very important story to read. If you want the summary of the story you can go to The Guardian reporting of the story. However you can get the original story from the New Yorker at the address below
From my point of view Hersh has a lot of credibility. He broke the Abu Ghraib story and he wrote some real interesting stuff on WMD before it was coming out elsewhere. I mean The New Yorker is not generally a place i go to read...being a Cannuck and all that. But this guys stuff makes it worth it. I can't remember if it requires a cookie or not...likely worth the cookie and just erase it after if you don't want it. To be honest i haven't finished reading it yet...but the first half is quite enough to put it up as a story that is worth reading. I suggest that folks take the time to go into the New Yorker and read it. The article is on the longish side but it also shows aspects of the current government in the US. And nobody has to read it all the way through if they get bored! The Guardian article just provides a quick summary that he's writing about it a bit on what he's written and why his credibility is considered quite good. Here are some quotes from the article:
George W. Bush’s reelection was not his only victory last fall. The President and his national-security advisers have consolidated control over the military and intelligence communities’ strategic analyses and covert operations to a degree unmatched since the rise of the post-Second World War national-security state. Bush has an aggressive and ambitious agenda for using that control—against the mullahs in Iran and against targets in the ongoing war on terrorism—during his second term. The C.I.A. will continue to be downgraded, and the agency will increasingly serve, as one government consultant with close ties to the Pentagon put it, as “facilitators” of policy emanating from President Bush and Vice-President Dick Cheney. This process is well under way
Despite the deteriorating security situation in Iraq, the Bush Administration has not reconsidered its basic long-range policy goal in the Middle East: the establishment of democracy throughout the region. Bush’s reëlection is regarded within the Administration as evidence of America’s support for his decision to go to war.
“This is a war against terrorism, and Iraq is just one campaign. The Bush Administration is looking at this as a huge war zone,” the former high-level intelligence official told me. “Next, we’re going to have the Iranian campaign. We’ve declared war and the bad guys, wherever they are, are the enemy. This is the last hurrah—we’ve got four years, and want to come out of this saying we won the war on terrorism"....
...Rumsfeld will become even more important during the second term. In interviews with past and present intelligence and military officials, I was told that the agenda had been determined before the Presidential election, and much of it would be Rumsfeld’s responsibility. The war on terrorism would be expanded, and effectively placed under the Pentagon’s control...
...The President’s decision enables Rumsfeld to run the operations off the books—free from legal restrictions imposed on the C.I.A...
...For more than a year, France, Germany, Britain, and other countries in the European Union have seen preventing Iran from getting a nuclear weapon as a race against time—and against the Bush Administration. They have been negotiating with the Iranian leadership to give up its nuclear-weapons ambitions in exchange for economic aid and trade benefits. Iran has agreed to temporarily halt its enrichment programs, which generate fuel for nuclear power plants but also could produce weapons-grade fissile material....
....Iran insists, in return, that it needs to see some concrete benefits from the Europeans—oil-productio n technology, heavy-industrial equipment, and perhaps even permission to purchase a fleet of Airbuses. (Iran has been denied access to technology and many goods owing to sanctions.)
The Europeans have been urging the Bush Administration to join in these negotiations. The Administration has refused to do so...
The core problem is that Iran has successfully hidden the extent of its nuclear program, and its progress. Many Western intelligence agencies, including those of the United States, believe that Iran is at least three to five years away from a capability to independently produce nuclear warheads—although its work on a missile-delivery system is far more advanced. Iran is also widely believed by Western intelligence agencies and the I.A.E.A. to have serious technical problems with its weapons system, most notably in the production of the hexafluoride gas needed to fabricate nuclear warheads...
At this point i'm going to stop quoting (i've read quite a bit beyond here and should have the story read by tomorrow maybe sooner...i'd already gone through my CBC news before getting on this one (which was mentioned there but then needed tracking down). Maybe i'll find more to quote on...but i think that this guy has a good record for getting things right and that the American people need to make it clear they won't stand for this (and other countries as well..i'm going to check out what the local No War group is doing after seeing this...i would imagine there will be some protests given a few days to organize).
There is other news i'd like to get up. I guess whether i do or not will just depend (one of the annoyances of depression is you are slowed down quite a bit. I'm not even reading as much as i used to and these pages (where i don't simply put the article up) are the hardest to write for me...not impossible...just work.
Think about this and do something. Write your Senator your Congressman or go out and join the protests that will come. Its already on a lot of blogs...what i found when trying to track the actual article down (eventually did it through the Guardian). What the world doesn't need at this point is another war!
I say enough already....there is such a thing as the seperation of church and state. The Prime Minister (Catholic) and many MP's were told they could not take Communion if they forwarded the cause of gay/lesbian marriage. They responded it was not to them to put faith into political issues (and i'm sure someone is still giving them Communion. Since under our Charter of Rights Gays and Lesbians have been "read in" as a minority group most provincial Supreme Courts have already allowed Gays and Lesbians to marry in the last year.
I read other articles about how the Bible bumpers want Bush to bring in what they want because they voted for him...and i read the debate where he wouldn't seperate abortion and government....our Charter came along a lot later then the US Bill or Rights...but its generally been more effective since Judicially groups that were not identified when it was written can be added in (it takes a lot of time and court cases for this but it can happen, you need to proove how it is the same more or less). This is a CBC news article.
"Since homosexuality, adultery, prostitution and pornography undermine the foundations of the family, the basis of society, then the state must use its coercive power to proscribe or curtail them in the interests of the common good," Bishop Frederick Henry said in a pastoral letter.
In the next paragraph, he suggested such acts are evil and rejected the idea that private acts are nobody else's business. "An evil act remains an evil act whether it is performed in public or in private."
The letter was read to Catholics in southern Alberta on Sunday.
Lobby MPs against gay marriage, letter says
Henry's letter also called on Catholics to fight same-sex marriage. The Vatican rejects same-sex marriage, saying homosexual acts contravene natural moral law.
"The denial of the social and legal status of marriage to same-sex couples is not discrimination. It is not something opposed to justice; on the contrary, justice requires such an opposition," the letter said.
A statement on the website of Canadians for Equal Marriage rejects the bishop's letter. "It's a sad day for gay and lesbian Catholics when a Canadian Catholic bishop describes our relationships as evil," said Helen Kennedy, spokesperson for Challenge the Church, a Catholic dissident group.
What to do on a Sunday/still trying to get used to side effects
Well its Sunday today. As i've been telling everyone i've pretty much stopped going to Pagan social stuff and kept the lessons and the Full Moon Group...well lessons aren't being offered today because the daughter of the woman who teaches is sick (an excellent reason for cancelling). In some ways i'm happy in others i'm not. I really don't feel like going out of the house and dealing with people but then i don't want to get totally cut off either. By default i haven't seen anyone in a long time. January is traditionally quite bad in money terms because the cheques come early before Xmas. So there isn't money for going out this month---i'll be luck if i can keep myself in food, bus fare and cigarettes---but maybe next month i'll have to schedule it in...even though i don't want to go out. Its like a never ending circle...by the time you are going out again people don't feel all that close or comfortable with you often (there are almost always exceptions...but then i'm still trying to establish myself in Pagan community here so i would expect less exceptions).
I tried another way of dealing with the sleepiness from getting used to the new dose of Tegretol. Set my alarm early and then took the dose, read some CBC news and went back to bed. Well i didn't fall asleep but then i can be getting use to it by now to some extent. Since i've thrown my schedule mostly out i can try again...i think its improving though...i still feel tired but not as enourmously tired as before. Which is actually a good profile for side effects diminishing. I expected it would since i already take the drug and don't notice much sedation...but it isn't guaranteed (i notice i need more sleep overall than i used to about 7.5-9 hours more than in ever needed before i took meds...but i think its and overall effect generally)....at this rate it should be cleared up totally in a couple of weeks which is good.
I don't know if i find this any faster than before...but i'll reiterate my statement---please save your blogs SOMEWHERE even if its on your hard drive...i know i'd hate to loose mine as i thought i did earlier when it went down. M
I was wondering if there was anyone that was willing to look over the HTML (and two Java scripts) that are in my left and right panels. I've tried today to get them back up and running but what occurs is no blog...except the title and some nice colours.
I would really like to get them back up but i'm not exactly sure what is wrong (its why the blog went down for a while earlier).
If you can help comment or tmail me and i'll appreciate it a lot! M
What movies i'm watching since i've gotten the box and subsciption
I think i mentioned i got a digital box and the movie network instead of full non digital cable this year (yes there are still quite a number of non-digital channels i can't get(go figure eh?). Actually i get more extra channels on the TV this way as you get a trial of some of the digital channels....although i pretty much end up on the different movie channels.
I used to go to the theatre fairly frequently. At times when i couldn't afford it i went to the local repetoire house. And i like foreign and indie stuff...the theatre for that is nearby. But they are still quite expensive...i guess to put it in perspective i see renting movies as generally expensive...although i buy used one's of stuff i know i like.
Regardless of the reasons this means that i have not watched theatre in quite a while. The choice of the movie box was especially good because of how i've had a bad winter so far...i'm not going out all that much...so i watch movies instead (i am planning to make a Pagan lesson this weekend if its still being offered...i do want to keep up a minimum of doing things and i'm still on the mail lists).
I thought it would be a good idea to keep track of what i had watched in order to see if i was getting my money's worth...i think i have been...i've had the box about a month plus one week. So far i've managed to watch...i don't know what it is like in the US but i get access to a number of channels playing movies...thus the comment channels with the S
Movies i've managed to watch on the different movie channels
Broken Lizards Dread Club
The Last Casino*
Monster
Lord of the Rings 2
Phone booth
Secret Window
Solo Mia**
The Statement
The Butterfly Effect
The Ranch*
50 First Dates
Paycheck
Dancing in the Dark
Bowling for Columbine
On the channels that are playing older stuff (but classic...although what you like is not all that is playing and there is more timing with getting them taped if you can't watch them at the time i've managed to watch the following (although i'm not positive...i may have gotten these channels without the extra cost just the box)
In the Dark
La Femme Nikita**
No Way Out
Pump Up the Volume
Tequila Sunrise
Dancing in the Dark<*/li>
Torch Song Trilogy
Cabaret
*Canadian Production **Foreign Production (ie not Canadian ...although i consider US to be foreing in a lot of ways its also what i saw a lot of...in fact i'm enjoying getting to see so many Canadian things.
I've also watched the first 11 episdoes of Regensis and i'll continue to watch it until i turn the box in (March maybe April).
I'm beginning to think that if i keep up my current consumption of movies at the theatres (or even increase it only a little) i could get a good deal out of having the box for about 4 months a year with the movie channels offered. Also its one way of keeping up with pop culture. I must admit I've seen a lot of the movies on the older channel list but i enjoyed seeing some of the again and saved the one's i really liked onto video tape. I do put a premium on trying to watch Canadian and foreign stuff...i go through the guide and it will get a bit of a mark even if it doesn't look all that interesting because i like to watch different stuff. I don't manage to watch everything i mark...but its a symbol that its worth taking a look at (i mark up all the short pieces explaining the movies and then primarily look for the ones that match what i've highlighted).
A number of these were watched on the "On demand" feature or tape...good when your attention span is low...pause and whatever whenever you want (for 24 hours if it isn't your VCR).
I don't put this up as an accomplishment just part of how i'm spending my time....and also what i like probably gives and idea in a different way of how i am. Its a hobby that is good when you aren't going out much though i must say...and in writing this i now have a pretty good idea how ordered lists work...i've only tried them a few times before.
I must say with tblog going down more and more often i'm more inclined to write my stuff on my computer and then post it if i'm going to be using the plain editor anyway (most but not all of the time). One thing keeping the blog has taught me is basic html or how to use my program to help with what i don't know (i tend to prefer to do it myself unless its something i have problems with...it gets used primarily to do links which i'm lousy at and don't want to memorize how to do...so i'm getting something back from the blog in terms of some skills too (see my blog on how out of date html is entry...i guess it might help somewhere else eventually and its giving me an idea of what might work if i decided i decide i want to learn something similar...it took me a lot of time to figure out how to get basic html and how touse it and what type of program helped me (i don't use WYSISYG i use a text editor instead...i think i've already explained how i got there...M
Well i saw the shrink yesterday...i gave her an idea of what the specialist had said. She doesn't work much with Tergretol (i started on it when i was in a hospital day program after not doing well when she tried me on Lithium or Epival [a slow release form of depakote or depakene...the name is different in the US]. Since it worked well she kept up with it...but he does have some interesting info on that.
So the dose of my tegretol has gone up. But it was my decisions. After half an hour of talk we had decided to move one of the two mood stabilizers i take up a bit. She asked me which one....i sat and thought and said even though i didn't like it one bit i thought the tegretol was proabably the best. She said she thought so too. However we are going to keep a close eye on my liver (and some other stuff i think....i went through the CPS [Canadian Equivalent to PDR---yes i have one at home---my shrink gave me an older one because i needed one really---could usually read it and she had an updated one (i can't read all of it...but if i'm taking it i learn to read it or ask---she tends to get one a year after from a pharmacist...mine doesn't have some really knew stuff in it...but it has most]). Mind you if i'd said i felt more comfortable with Lamictal going up (or if i'd refused to go up on anything) it would have been my choice. When there are limited choices but there are some choices i usually get to make the choice.
My shrink puts it in a good way. She knows more about medications overall...and to some extent more about the meds i'm taking (certainly at the start). But i know my body better than she does and how it reacts to things. After being right a number of times when she said i was wrong we work together.
So i'm sitting around today watching a movie and i'm really sleepy---in the middle of the day. It took me two hours to make the connection to the increase in the Tegretol and i dug out he CPS...yup right up as the most frequent side effect. That type of side effect usually goes away over time. And you learn you might need more sleep (6 hours was fine before meds...its bad news now).
Most annoying actually is that my aphasia is back (when you can't find the right word or getting the totally wrong one...actually i couldn't remember the word aphasia and it was annoying the hell out of me because i know it, but i found it in a fiction book where i knew the location...and then lost it less than 10 minutes later---back to book for entry here).
Aphasia isn't really a side effect of anything of what i take from what i know. But i've known for years i'm neurologically sensitive. Everything is OK....but it was right on the edge. Thus neurological side effects are the most common i get after the really common and for years doctors wouldn't believe me on the side effects because how many less than one percent side effects can you have half of which are not listed. Well if the problem is a neurological sensitivity, it in fact makes perfect sense. And i didn't look in the book for the first few weeks usually just so i wouldn't be picking it up---try telling that to most of the doctors and nurses i've seen in different places.
I mean i got hickups when i started Paxil. About half and hour after i took the pill continuing for 4 to six hours. It only happened for the first few days but i was vacationing with my boyfriend and while he tried to take it seriously (he knew i found it annoying as hell) he also couldn't help but be amused. I can understand that---even i found it amusing at times but very tiring after a while. Now its not listed anywhere as a Paxil side effect and my body got used to it and it went away---but i'm telling you it was a Paxil side effect. How long it took to kick in and how long it lasted were key to figuring that one out.
So now my doctor will warn me if there is some wierd neurological effect i don't know about although she's still surprised when i upped the dose of Effexor SR by 37.5mg and got small ticks in my eye...i said well Mannerix gave me worse ticks and she was even more surprised (even rarer) although she was sure i was right (when i was on the Mannerix i was getting counselling from her but someone else was dealing with my drugs...although she caught on that it could be if i had to use my bee sting kit while taking it. I just think bee allergies didn't come up until some point (refered to elsewhere in the blog i think). Let me tell you something there is nothing more annoying in the world than a tick very close to your eye or in your eyelid. Aphasia is much less annoying in the long run when you get down to it. The bee sting allergy is a pest and i carry a epipen most of the time but as bee sting allergies go i react quite slowly. They are actually more worried that if i got bitten in the neck the reaction would be so strong i could have problems breathing as that i would have a general reaction (where your throat swells up). I had a general reaction once but only made it up to hives...and i'd been bitten twice and was about 5.
In fact when i was tested for allergies earlier this year the allergist said i was no longer allergic to bees or wasps based on his tests. I said...ok does that mean i don't have to drag my epipen around with me anyomore...nope he wasn't that sure of his tests (although i'm sure enough generally that i'm a slow reactor that i don't generally drag it around the city...but i do when camping or at cottages and such). I have't been bitten since i was 12...my GP says my body may not have the allergy still but that it could redevelop it (ie after so many years not too many antibodies but it could become a problem again). Interesting theory...and now i don't feel quite as guilty if i don't drag the epipen absolutely everywhere (on the other hand i insist on having two because i like to hike camp and go to cottages and they don't necessarily last that long. It depends on the person...and i've never used mine.
Well another bunch of medical stuff i guess. The sleepiness from drugs usually goes away after a few weeks or a month, but in the meanwhile i may take a part time sleeping beauty part. Really the one that took the cake was Remeron...when i stareted taking it i was only really staying awake for 8 hours a day although i made it up to 12 hours in a month (mind you i started at a higher dose than you might take if working...my doctor knows i'd just as soon get it over...and did say i could cut it down if i wanted after the first week...but was right...i preffered to stick it out) M
Well the visit to the specialist was more or less a waste of time (excpet in leaving me more upset perhaps). When asked why i was there i said because i wanted to be able to function better and not be depressed all the time. One of the first things he asked me was if i would do ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy) to which my answer was "never" (and remains so). I've got enough holes in my memory from abuse that are blocked and i tend to be neurologically sensitive i don't need electricity making it worse. Of course they would likely claim that being neurologically sensative (in that i'm on the border of having a problem...and a lot of drugs will bring out tics....but i don't have any without the meds) i'm no eager to put electricity through my brain. They make it look it a lot nicer now...but its actually stronger than it used to be.
He asked a lot of questions (expected). Didn't allow me to put any of it in circumstance which annoys the hell out of me (for example almost all my hypomanias can be tied to drugs and i only get singificant OCD when depressed even if i had a full version as a kid).
His wonderful suggestion. I should stop taking anti-depressants (this has been tried and it wasn't good) as i was meds resistant with a bipolar part. I should just take huge doses of mood stabilizers instead. I would consider the higher doses of the mood stabilizers if i i was off anti-depressants but for now if i'm not having hypomania (there main effect) i feel my liver is doing enough work (one of them is harder on the liver than average....although not as bad as say being an acoholic).
Of course he isn't willing to watch all of his suggestions go through. From experience i can give a rough guess at the minimum time to get off every anti-depressant i'm taking (you need to taper them down slowly). My guess would be a minimum close to a year (which i can ask my shrink tomorrow). That's assuming i can get down at intervals of 3 weeks...sometimes intervals can be two weeks...but then sometimes they can be a a lot longer. Generally two weeks is the quickest you go...i guess it also means i'm making assumptions of how large the reductions would be each time...but i'm not new at this and i know that i actually can usually stop stuff easier than average....but that you can't stop it all right away. And since it can be quite uncomfortable i don't believe in rushing through things with huge intervals (oh by the way these are all non addictive drugs...i have theories on how they define addictiveness which means they aren't being honest but that is for another time).
From then his suggestion of getting the right mood stabilizer could take quite a while...so the proccess could be a year and a half to two years. And he won't take any responsability...my doctor will have to do it herself. One of the reasons i gathered i wont' get into the affectives disorders clinic was him muttering about all the co-morbid stuff (other psychatric problems or diagnosis i could be given as well). Well i'm sorry i have co-morbitds....the biggest problem and the one we have had the absolute biggest problem with is depression...the other stuff is more or less under control except when i'm depressed (then it increases...like the OCD symptoms). So yes there are other problems---usually well under control...this is the one that often isn't. And if you don't want people with comorbities anywhere well then i can't be accepted at any program that may specialize and help me more...because of whatever the other problems are.
So two to three years and no real knowledge except on shrinks view that it will work. And i've seen the biggest psychopharmacologists in Ottawa for an assesment of my meds for 3 years...they thought they might need tweeking but were right. So they would suggest tweeking. They said it was likely i had a much better quality of life than 15 years ago when anti-depressants were less evolved. Unfortunately one moved and one does only drug trials now (to help asses if they will be in the country)...he used to see folks like me for a small part of his practice...(the two were in the same practice...the clinic itself suggested i switch to the second one as he was easier to get an appointment with....generally i went in once a year).
So i could try his idea. Lose two years or more of being able to do anything, just to find out he is wrong. Traditionally you take anti-depressants for depression, especially the type i have which is almost always there. I know partially that the reductions won't neccessarly be successful. I was taken off (well close to before the docs decided it was a waste of time because i was getting moer depressed) from my anti-depressants a few times...they do that to see if you've been kicked back into the normal area and don't need them anymore. But i've done enough of those with terrible results that i'm in the category where you expect not to do more with the only likely exception being pregnancy. Even then (its been discussed briefly as i may want a child if things settle out and i had a partner) they would likely keep me on a little bit of stuff---and the parts that are the least likley to be harmful. Being depressed and anxious all th
